ethereal

Barnabus Collins Gaines * November 25, 1976 – August 26, 2006

2006-10-06T11:43:00.000-04:00

Dad with newborn Barnabus, Santa with Barnabus (yes I know it's strange) and mom holding her newborn son.

THE BROKEN CHAIN

We little knew that morning that God was going to all your name,

In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,

For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.

You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,

And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same,

But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

--Author Unknown

Goodbye

2006-10-06T11:36:00.000-04:00

I will leave one last post after this, in memory of my dear brother, Barnabus. I wanted to tell everyone who has followed this blog thank you. I lost my closest friend but in the long run I gained many more. Barnabus left me a gift. He had many friends and I can now call them my friends. He touched so many lives, more than I ever knew. He was a bright spirit who illuminated every path he crossed. We shared a common bond which death cannot break. Here, dear Barnabus, is my tribute to you. This picture is of our parents, taken on their anniversary...two days before our father passed away. Dad, take care of your son. I'll be seeing you both someday.

Last of the pics

2006-10-06T09:53:00.000-04:00

I didn't know why he had this Star Wars character, but then realized it was Count Dooku. Barnabus was into things that were Counts. Count Dooku, the count from Sesame Street, Count Dracula.... Yoda was just one of his fun characters, I think. Soupy Sales was way before our time...Barnabus loved humor throughout the ages. He had old videos of tv shows from the 50s to the 80s.

More pics

2006-10-04T14:10:00.000-04:00

I'm nearing the end of these posts and it makes me sad.There are muppet figures and collector cards, etc. A picture is worth a thousand words.

2006-10-03T15:18:00.000-04:00

To any blogger or to all his friends who might be checking in. Let me know if you're following this. It motivates me to post the rest of the pics. This is the front of Barnabus' apartment building. She is one of his neighbors who lived on the first floor. The one picture is of B's Count puppet. He was one eccentric guy.

Pics #2

2006-10-03T15:09:00.000-04:00

I tried to take the background out of the diary picture. I thought it was so great. He actually wrote in the diary, too! He was pretty upbeat throughout the journal. He wrote about being lonely during his first month in London but overall he saw the beauty in the smallest of things. He was one of those people who really "got it".
Look at all those great Dark Shadows figures. I spread out some of his cards he kept in albums.

Some pics

2006-10-03T15:05:00.000-04:00

He had an autographed picture of a Dark Shadows actress. He also had these Dark Shadows collector cards. I don't know where he found those. The count from Sesame Street was his icon.

The Age Of Miracles

2006-10-03T14:38:00.000-04:00

I finally have a bit of time to recount the amazing trip to London. First of all I want to thank all of Barnabus' friends in the UK for the invaluable help they provided. One week isn't enough time to pack up a person's life and clean the slate, so to speak. When we arrived at the apartment where Barnabus lived I could see why he chose it. It was a nice place with plenty of friendly people. I met his neighbor who was a wonderful, helpful person. She provided food for mom and myself the first day we were there. ...Thank you! She told me that Barnabus' coworkers wanted us to stop by when we could and that there was a group of volunteers who offered to help us pack things and clean when we were ready. We spent the first night alone going through his belongings and crying over the smallest things. I will post some pictures of some of items he had in order to let everyone know what kind of things he collected and/or was into.
We went to his office and they had left everything the way it was . He was one creative guy. I previously posted pictures of his cubicle, but it was amazing to see it in person. His coworkers truly appreciated his crazy sense of humor. I heard so many wonderful stories from everyone. That evening they had a nice memorial service set up. It was a small chapel that was packed. There was a minister and a rabbi together...how appropriate. I know Barnabus would have appreciated it. Different people went up a talked about how Barnabus affected their life. I am still in tears thinking about it all. He helped bring light to so many lives. He showed us how to live. I, for one, shall always be grateful to him for making me a better person.
The second day, the volunteers showed up. All I can say is that they made the impossible, possible. I think every worker at his office was there with boxes, food and more stories. They gave us the first day to ourselves so we could go through things we considered private. I had to give Barnabus his dignity. The thing was, there wasn't anything bad at all. Everyone has personal items and the like, of course. So, we boxed those up first. The troops came in and were absolutely wonderful! I wish there was something I could do to repay them. I know Barnabus is smiling and sending his blessings. He was one person who was truly loved by all.
He had a shelf of mementos and toys which I will post some pictures of. I couldn't believe he found some action figures of the old Dark Shadows show our mother loved. I'm definitely keeping some of those. Mom took the one of Barnabus the vampire. We couldn't help but laugh when we saw them. He was one amazing man!
I will post more pics and then say farewell to all his blogger friends. I'm glad you got to know him.

A poem I found by Barnabus

2006-09-19T10:07:00.000-04:00

Death

What is it?
Is it the end?
The final split
around the bend.

It is a rebirth
a new beginning
for all it's worth
the first inning

Of a grand game
where all is one
we're all the same
the land of fun

Where joy resides
life is forever
and God decides
our next endeavor

It's our true home
from whence we came
our body's on loan
it's not the same

I'll see you there
back from the start
it's where we share
and will never part

I thought this particular poem was very appropriate. I guess he had thoughts about death...maybe he knew something. It made me cry but also made me think. Yes, I'll be seeing you someday, dear Barnabus.

Reminder

2006-09-18T08:16:00.000-04:00

I'm just reminding everyone that I will write after next week to report how everything went in London. I will take pictures and all. I've been getting depressed. I really miss Barnabus and now that the services here are over I've been really down. After London it will seem surely. I can't imagine life without him. My family have been here for me and it is rough on them as well. Life is so complex. I've been looking over some of Barnabus' poems. He has a whole book of them. I will post a couple that he never shared because I thought they were appropriate. Thanks to all those who supported Barnabus over the years, even if only through the blog.

Leaving

2006-09-06T08:15:00.000-04:00

I will be heading to London at the end of this month, Sept. 25th. It seems that it is costing us money everyday that we leave his apartment the way it is. We paid the month of September out of our own money because Barnabus' bank account is frozen until we can show up with documentation. It is so distressing, but necessary. My husband is staying behind to take care of our son. I hate to leave them, but I know mom needs me and I want to be there. We will stay in Barnabus' place, which will save on hotel expenses. It is going to be strange, to say the least. We have Barnabus' keys . It is going to be interesting to see the type of life he had over there. We'll have to box up his things to ship back which will be difficult since he had some rather huge paintings he did while abroad. Hopefully, it will all work out. Several of his London friends offered their help, which we will greatly appreciate. We will arrive in London Monday on the 25th and go straight to Barnabus' apartment. We'll try to settle his bills while there and go through his things. We won't need help probably until Tuesday or Wednesday. We are going to stay in London until October 2nd. I will have to solicit boxes from everyone over there. We are going to have to buy packing supplies once we're there. We can't take a chance of having box cutters or packing dispensers taken away at the airport. So, in effect, I probably won't be writing much until it's all said and done. I may take Barnabus' laptop with me which will possibly result in a post. It all depends on how much time I have.
It's heart wrenching going through the things he left here, I can't imagine what it will be like going through his apartment.

2006-09-01T13:54:00.000-04:00

I've received several emails telling me that the blogging community has been following my posts. So, if you're new here, you will have to start with the August 28 post. Then, if you are curious you can read my brother's entries and learn a bit about him. He was a great human being to everyone, it didn't matter who you were, young or old.....and yes, his name is real. Our mother loved the old gothic show Dark Shadows. She spelled it wrong on purpose. In her infinite wisdom she thought if she changed one letter it would make him unique. Maybe she was right. She almost named me Angelique. I never saw the show, but I think it's from one of the characters.
I will be updating this "memorial" blog through the time my mother and I go to London to settle his affairs. I am quite amazed as to the number of people who knew or were touched by him in some small way. I am still depressed and numb over it all, but the support I've been given has really helped. This blogs for you Barnabus!

CDs and bills

2006-09-01T11:30:00.000-04:00

Darkcrystal told me to check our Barnabus' June 17, 2005 post. He talked about making a cd of his life and loves. i haven't found anything yet but I assume if he had one it would be in the UK with his things. Speaking of which, I decided I don't care what anyone thinks and will continue these updates until our London trip. Mom just received a call that his apartment complex needs another month's rent or they will have to rent out his place. With the plane tickets and rent, we are going to have to do some budget crunching. He had insurance through his work place which paid for the services and settled some bills. Mom had a small policy on him but they haven't paid up yet. These are the things no one thinks about when someone they love dies.

2006-09-01T10:07:00.000-04:00

More pics. I've decided to just post them. I hope someone finds them interesting. Close ups of previous pics.

more pics

2006-09-01T10:04:00.000-04:00

Barnabus dressed for Halloween. The other two are from his college art show.

Barnabus in the UK

2006-09-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

I've been getting pics sent to me from the UK. I promised to post them. The pics I posted didn't show his true form, I assume.

Is it worth it?

2006-08-31T19:39:00.000-04:00

One of my relatives told me that I was being crazy by posting this memorial in Barnabus' blog. I told the relatives what I was doing and a certain relative said that I might need therapy. I thought that I was doing a service for those who knew Barnabus. It was also good therapy for me. It has helped me come to terms with what happened. I intended to write about how everything goes when we go to London to gather his things. That would be the final part of this memorial before signing off for good. Now I'm wondering if maybe I should stop. Am I being crazy? If you guys want me to go on let me know, otherwise I'll stop here. I have to admit, when my relative told me I was messed up doing this, it made me cry. It's been a rough time for me . My husband has been wonderful through all of this, but this tribute made me go on.

Photo referred to in previous post

2006-08-31T15:02:00.000-04:00

Somehow this was deleted. This is his "kiss me" post it note from work.

Barnabus: The Life (3)

2006-08-31T14:50:00.000-04:00

I complained because we wouldn't take out the time for a photo with me so he photo-shopped our graduation pictures together. I thought it only fair that I post my picture, he would have insisted since he didn't like his own.
Again, please take time to read about his touching memorial service.

Barnabus: The Life (2) (1976-2006)

2006-08-31T12:20:00.000-04:00

Please read my account of the funeral in the post before this one. I decided to add some more photos.

Here's another snapshot of Barnabus. He only smiled in pictures when he was in character. For some reason he didn't like photos of himself. I guess we're all like that to some extent. Some of Barnabus' coworkers sent me these pictures. Yes, his desk is as unique as he was. He had pictures of all his friends and family on the wall. The "kiss me" picture was taken by a coworker. As usual, Barnabus didn't like his picture taken, so he held the "post it" up instead. The other photo of him is one of my favorites, taken of him after he graduated.

Barnabus: The Life (1976-2006)

2006-08-31T08:17:00.000-04:00

This picture, I found on Barnabus' laptop. He apparantly made it two weeks before coming to visit us in NY. He was a fine artist but occasionally dabbled in graphic arts for fun. I thought it was eerie considering how he passed away.

We have the medical report. I'm posting the results here so I can let everyone know at once. The doctor stated that Barnabus had an aortic tear, very similar to what killed the actor John Ritter. He said that the reason Barnabas died so quickly was because his condition was more severe. He said that from the scar tissue on the heart and the severity of the tear, he believes that his stemmed from a condition he had at birth. He said that he was fortunate to have as many years that he had. He also stated that it is a very rare condition that can easily lie undetected and unobservable on routine tests. Since Barnabas showed no signs of a problem, there was no reason to have extensive testing. The singer Bobby Darrin died from a heart defect he was born with. He knew about his problem and was a spokesman for the Heart Association. He had surgeries to correct it, yet he still died young. So, it seems, that nothing could have been done to prevent an untimely demise. As my brother put it when our 50 yr. old aunt died, "when God hits the delete button, it's time to go."

Here is a portion of the report:
A variety of medical conditions can cause the artery wall to deteriorate, leading to the tear. Some include inherited connective tissue disorders and birth defects. Symptoms usually begin with sudden severe chest pain. As the tear progresses, it can block off the points at which other arteries branch away from the aorta, stopping blood flow. This can trigger a stroke or heart attack, among other things, depending on which arteries are affected.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going to recount the funeral here for those who could not attend.
The rabbi, who knew Barnabus from birth, gave a lovely service. We decided to have it at the funeral chapel instead of instead of in a temple. Barnabus had a strong sprititual belief system that sometimes clashed with the classical teachings. He stopped attending regular service years ago. He felt that there was too much dogma and judging. We knew this was the way he would have wanted it.
After the rabbi spoke of how Barnabus was such a happy child always helping out when he could and cutting up constantly, he sat down. At that point one of Barnabus' friends walked up to the podium, dressed like a gangster in a pin striped suit and hat, like the one Barnabus had. I've been to my share of funerals and nothing compared to this. My brother would have been pleased. He was a comedian, so what better way to send him off? The friend, Jim, did his best godfather routine by saying that he was sad to see him go because he had a pair of cement slippers just his size and now they would go to waste since no one else had feet that big. He gave a wonderful routine that had everyone laughing. Then, one by one, Barnabus' friends and some family went up and recounted something about Barnabus. It was very healing to be able to laugh after days of crying. Diva2stay: Your dress was outrageous and Barnabus' would have expected no less. One strange thing happened that caused a chill to go down my spine. When darkcrystal was telling everyone how Barnabus said he refused to go without a proper send off and that he said he would leave a sign, all of a sudden the flowers on the casket fell off. I'm talking the huge wreath that seemed secure, just dropped to the floor. I believe he did leave us a sign by letting us know he was there. You see, Barnabus believed in life after death and read many metaphysical and spiritual books. He felt that life had a purpose and that we all were here for the greater cosmic good. He loved to debate his spiritual ideas with our more conservative relatives.
Another friend, after the wreath fell, came up and said "that's a tough act to follow." He brought a portable CD player and played :"A Foggy Day (In London Town)" by Michael Buble...which was the same song Barnabus sang last week. The place was in tears. After the song, he recounted how Barnabus told him that he refused to go without his fuzzy slippers, which we had placed in the casket earlier. He said that everyone knew when Barnabus was in need of comforting because he would be wearing those slippers and eating ice cream. One, former neighbor of Barnabus' came up and told how he always helped her when she needed it. During a black out, he made sure she had everything she needed. To our surprise, redman, Barnabus' London friend flew in at the last minute. He told how much Barnabus missed all of us when he went to London and told him many times that if anything happened to him, he was to be sent back via sling shot or other such device to the states. He said that he talked about adopting someday because he wanted a young mind that he could corrupt and mold in his likeness. He said that Barnabus was shy at first but soon took the place by storm. He wasn't shy about who he was, though, even when he ran across anti-American sentiment. He refused to apologize for being an American. Sometimes he would laugh and say he was Canadian, eh? But he never backed down from his beliefs. He said that Barnabus left behind many broken hearts in London.

There were so many funny, wonderful, poignant, stories that I could never fit them all in here. Darkcrystal said she would try to write it all down in manuscript form for all of us. Suffice it to say that Barnabus was one loved guy.
We buried Barnabus next to our father, which seemed fitting. When Barnabus was young, he and dad were very close. Dad eventually accepted Barnabus unconditionally. They had a rough road for a while but it soon smoothed out.
After the funeral, everyone came to mom's place. We played his favorite music, including the Godfather theme and watched videos of Barnabus doing his famous comedic routines. We looked through pictures, especially the one when he was wearing mom's best dress on that fateful Thanksgiving day. He lived a good life and we are all better for having known him. While the Monty Python song "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" played, Barnabus' picture fell off the wall. He told me once how he read that spirits do that sort of thing to let their loved ones know they're ok. Since that was the second "sign", we all said, "thanks for letting us know you're here." It was a day I shall never forget.
I wanted to thank everyone who left comments and ask them to continue to do so if they feel the need. I will check in from time to time. If anything noteworthy comes up I will post it. I can answer questions if anyone has any. Mom and I will probably fly to London the first week in October. Redman told me that he would take care of things until we get there. Thanks to all who knew and loved my dear brother. We're going to miss him deeply. I guess one way to pay tribute to him is to follow his lead. First, be a responsible citizen. Pay your bills, have a good work ethic, etc. Then, be a bit crazy. Let humor, selflessness and joy be your guide. Make a difference in someone's life. Spread the laughter. That's what he would have wanted.

TRAGEDY

2006-08-28T09:07:00.000-04:00

Barnabus Collins Gaines * November 25, 1976 – August 26, 2006 *

I am writing in Barnabus’ blog to let everyone know that he tragically passed away this weekend. I am Barnabus’ sister, blog name, mika (real name Nadia). I am writing this in order to pay tribute to my dear brother and in hopes that those who knew him would please write a short tribute. I’m hoping to hear from everyone, including his “blogger only” friends. If he touched your life, if only in comments, …please write something. I would like to see double digits. If for some reason the Blog people limit the comments, I will make another post. In fact, I may update one or two more times before it is all said and done. Writing about it all is good therapy. Reading the comments will help his family heal from the senseless tragedy and the huge void that has been left in our hearts. Bear with me, as I am writing with shaky fingers and tears in my eyes. You may wonder how I knew his password to write here. When he left last year to move to London, he gave me his passwords and numbers just “in case”. I told him he was being paranoid but I humored him and filed the information away.

For those of you who don’t know what happened I will recount it as best I can. As you all know, Barnabus was given a two week vacation in order to see all of his family and friends in NY. Looking back on it, it was the most precious gift anyone could have. The gift of two weeks with someone they love where each day counted. I mean, we lived to the fullest each and every moment while he was here. There was the huge surprise Barnabus gave us at the local Karaoke bar when he donned a fedora and trench coat and sang, beautifully I might add, “A Foggy Day (In London Town)”. This song was revived by Michael Buble in his latest album if anyone doesn’t know it. Barnabus has always had a beautiful voice, though he never exploited it. He did the whole song and dance routine and had all the girls and guys in the audience swooning. The song was about enjoying London which made us all feel better since we thought he was hopelessly homesick. He was homesick, but it wasn’t causing him undue sadness or anything. He knew he would return, or at least he expected to. He let us know, in his own way, that he was content with his life.

One thing I can say about Barnabus and that is he was always happy. Even during sad moments in our lives, like when our father died. He was a rock for our mother. Although we had normal childhood fights, we never had any real fights. Anyone who knew Barnabus knew that you couldn’t fight with him. He had a smile for everyone. Even when he went through a break up, he never said a bad word about his ex. He moved on with the dignity and maturity that is Barnabus. It wasn’t long before he was cracking everyone up with his twisted humor and contagious smile.

One time he dressed up in drag on Thanksgiving and sat down at the table with all the relatives. Our grandparents, father cousins and all were just staring at him. You could have heard a pin drop as they sat there with their mouths open. I wanted to crawl under the table. He acted like nothing was unusual. He had high heels on and almost twisted his ankle. His sat down and simply said, “pass the potatoes please.” Our dad just shook his head, but I could see a slight grin, even though he didn’t want anyone to see it. It Barnabus' way of letting everyone know to accept him for who he was. Barnabus wasn’t the drag queen type, though he had friends who were. In fact, he broke many a girls’ heart over the years. He didn't mean to, he just followed a different path. We knew he was different even in high school. It didn’t matter to us, his family. He didn’t have to have the typical marriage and family to steal our hearts. He told me once that he hoped to adopt someday. He would have made a wonderful father. My four year old son, loved his uncle Barny, as he called him. Barnabus hated being called that but he never let on to my son. He allowed him to call him whatever he wanted to, even "crazy legs". He played and talked with my son as if he were the same age. He always had something for him. Barnabus could have made a living as a comedian. He was so talented at making everyone feel happy. He could sing, paint and make a joke out of anything.

The fateful day, when he was to return to London, is forever etched in my mind. It was bad enough that he had been having foreboding nightmares. It would make anyone nervous. He assured us that it was just his sadness at leaving. Mom, my husband and I went with him to the airport against his urging us to stay home. We couldn’t do that. His closest friends said their tearful farewells back at mom's. We had an uneventful cab ride to the airport. Barnabus was cutting up and in good spirits. Mom promised to mail him his misc. items which he knew he couldn’t take on the plane due to heightened security. The cab dropped us off at the curb and Barnabus paid the cabbie after the luggage was removed. We had to wait inside the airport after he checked in. I was holding his hand while mom had her hand on his back. He was making jokes and we were laughing. His hand started to feel rather clammy. I let go and he said he felt sweaty. Then he looked at mom and told her he was seeing spots. He said that maybe he better go on in to the boarding area and gave each of us a teary eyed hug. He said “I’ll call when I get home”, then he smiled again and said “I love you” (his final words). He gave us the biggest grin after that, although I could see the hint of a tear in his eyes. Then, it all happened so quick. He put his hand to his chest and gave us a scared look (like help me) and fell over. I’ll never forget that look of helplessness and fear. Mom started screaming and some guards called 911 while another guard gave him mouth to mouth. He turned blue and I knew it was too late. I then heard him say, in my mind, “I’m OK now.” I know it sounds crazy but I know what I heard. I keep thinking about his nightmare where he said he died of a broken heart. They are doing an autopsy on him and we shall soon find out what happened. Keep in mind that Barnabus never, ever abused his body. He drank in moderation and that was it. He ate very healthy. When he was born, he had a slight heart murmur which the doctor’s said cleared up. We are at a loss as to what happened. If I didn’t know any better, it was like destiny. He had those dreams and didn’t really want to go back. It seems like it was his time…his preordained time to go. I am still in shock, sadness and a whole gamut of emotions right now. I take some comfort in knowing he lived life to the fullest. I’m his younger sister by two years. He was always my protector. In fact, my husband went through him for permission to marry me. He kind of took our father’s place. I don’t know what our mom would have done without him those first few years after dad died.

So, please, please leave a comment as your tribute to dear Barnabus. Let us know he was here on this planet and that he touched your life in some miniscule way. I posted his favorite picture, for those who don’t know what he looked like. He was a wonderful artist, ad man, singer, brother, son, friend and beautiful human being. Let’s make this tribute phenomenal. I don’t care how little you knew him, we’re hoping for double digits or more in comments.

To Barnabus: I know you’re reading this…..Goodbye, dear Barnabus, we miss your laughter and insane humor. You made a gloomy day bright with your presence. We are all blessed at having known you. WE MISS YOU WITH ALL OUR HEARTS!!!!

OK, one last post

2006-08-25T09:16:00.000-04:00

I know I said I wasn't going to write until I crossed over (the Atlantic) but I had a freaky dream last night which I wanted to get off my chest. I wrote about the last dream of being hit by a bus. I attribute it to my sadness at leaving my friends and family. I won't have another vacation for a whole year!!! Anywhoo I woke up in a total sweat in the middle of the night. I dreamt that I was on my way back home from NYC and collapsed. Later, I was back at my mom's. I could hear everyone (friends and family) crying. They were saying that I died of a broken heart. I kept telling them that I wasn't dead I was right here. No one reacted to me. It was as if they couldn't see me. I told them that I was OK, please don't cry. It was very frustrating. My mother was a shambles saying if only he had just stayed here in NY. I tried to give her a hug but I couldn't. It was then I realized that I wasn't physically there. I was a ghost or something. I looked at a paper on the table and it said that there was a wake for me at the local funeral parlor. My sister kept saying that I died of a broken heart. Boy was that a scary nightmare. Well, if anything happens to me( which it won't, I hope), I'll definetely leave a sign or something. I'm now starting to get worried about leaving tomorrow. I know it's all brought on by my personal sadness at leaving the place that I love. I can't figure out why I keep having these dreams though. London isn't THAT bad. Sure I intend to come back home to live, but England is OK. It feels good just to get this off my chest. I love NY and will surely miss it, but I will be ok. I was going to mail some of my toiletries and misc. stuff before I leave but have now decided to let mom do that for me once I'm back in London. I don't know why, but it seems the thing to do. I'm usually an upbeat sort of guy, but the past few days I've had this foreboding that is making me a bit sad. I hope some of my London cohorts are reading this. Maybe you guys could meet me when I get back on Saturday evening. Sigh, I said SIGH,,...I'll actually be glad to get back into some sort of routine and forget about all these nightmares. I love my family but I will be fine, until I can eventually move back. Hey, I'm young, right? I'm a fun guy. I will shake off this feeling and enjoy my last day in NY. We're all going out to eat at Jekyll and Hydes. The foods ok but the atmosphere is to die for!:) See ya on the other side!

Wish you were here

2006-08-21T15:18:00.000-04:00

Hey! Just letting all my blogger friends know I'm in the Big Apple and having the time of my life. My party was oh so fun!!! Quentin, Darkcrystal, Diva2stay, mom, sis, bentworks....everyone of my NY friends and family showed up. I was so touched, really I was....and I don't mean in the head. :) When the security level went up, I had to ditch all my toiletries when leaving London, bummer. That's ok though , I was so worried they would tear up all my stuff. Thank goodness I had the forethought to send a lot of stuff through the mail in advance. I will have to do that when going back too. I think going back will be one of the hardest things I've ever done. When I left the first time I was full of wonder and adventure. Now, it's like I'm really leaving home, you know what I mean? I 've done it, now I know what's really important. I've made a resemblance of a life there but nothing like I had at home. Job and money can only take you so far. I have to admit that I've been getting emotional at the thought of leaving in four days. I kind of hope everyone just says goodbye to me at home and allow me to go to the airport by myself. I hate to make a fool of myself in front of a bunch of strangers. Life is too short to live alone. Sure, I've made some new friends in London but my family is in NY and they aren't getting any younger. I had a nightmare last night. It is still haunting me today. I dreamt that I left home, after saying my goodbyes, and was struck by a bus crossing the street to get to the airport. I woke up in a full sweat. The strange thing was that the bus was the kind you would see in London and not NY. I think it's just my sadness at leaving triggering the nightmare. Enough of this! I shall sign off and go out and enjoy the rest of the time I have left here. I shall live each day as if it were my last. Hear that guys? Meet me at the Long Island beach area. We shall do some serious partying. Where are all my blooger friends? Just because you can't be with me in body, you can be with me in spirit. This will be my last post until I cross over! (the Atlantic that is).

Up Up and Away

2006-08-03T14:34:00.000-04:00

Hey people! I'm ready and rarin to go. I'm all packed and everything is sitting by my door. Tomorrow I'll be off to parts known! I can't wait! For those of you waiting my arrival, I'll be there as soon as I can. I have way too much luggage for a guy like me. I'll be waddling my way to you as soon as possible. I don't think I'll take a taxi, they tend to automatically tack on fares just for being from the airport, though, I think I look like a New Yorker. Don't anyone help me or anything. It's not like I'm asking, mind you :)
I've got a few surprises for everyone at my welcome home party. No one wil EVER guess what it is. Now that I've intriqued you all, ta ta...This will be my last entry before leaving for the Big Apple. Wish me well and all that. My "friend" here asked if I would bring back a souvenier. Now that's funny. I'm taking them and bringing them. I plan on bringing something back for my little family who takes me sight seeing. The people at work don't seem to care. Keep my seat on the couch warm for me ma, I'm on my way.

in search of a vacation (and mind)

2006-07-28T09:10:00.000-04:00

Since yesterday, I found out that a coworker actually had a mobile phone taken by one of the monkeys at the zoo. She had it in her purse, sticking out and the little imp swiped it. I asked her if she got it back and she said a zoo keeper got it for her. She said that when he rescued it, he found others stashed in the monkey's lair. Like I said before, a communication network for the animal leaders.
I am going to mail some of the souvenirs I bought because I don't have room in my baggage. It would be less hassle to just box them up and send them home. I intend to hand out the trinkets when I get home. I can't wait for the grand party that will be thrown in my honor. On Friday next week I'm telling my boss that he may not see me again. I'll say it with a hint of humor but leave him not being able to tell for sure.
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that I was in the park and ALL the animals escaped. Everyone was running for their lives and there was total chaos. I sat on a bench totally unfazed. Then a tiger walked up to me and sat down on the bench right beside me. I calmly looked at him and said, "I know what you are doing." and he looked at me and smiled, in a tiger sort of way, and said "it seems we haven't fooled you. We're looking for a few trustworthy humans to help us in our cause, how about it, mate?" I told him that I would think about it but I probably wouldn't help cause the total domination of the human race since I was a human myself and didn't care much to be dominated. He then replied that I would be given special privileges for my part in helping out. I don't remember anything after that except that I think an alligator sat down and joined us. You see what living here has done to me! I've completely lost my mind. See you all soon. Hey, any blogger friends able to help me find my mind? ;)

Monkeying around

2006-07-27T11:17:00.000-04:00

Here I come, walking down the street, get the funniest looks from everyone I meet.....Hey Hey we're the monkees, ......
I was in the park and I saw a monkey and I wasn't drinking or anything. Check the link. It seems that the squirrel monkeys have made their bid for freedom. In fact, it seems, that they have been stealing cell phones. Can you imagine if your phone was stolen? You call the number and hear...eeeee,eeeee and think, "what the..?.." Actually no one said that they knew how to use the phones, just that they were taking them. I personally think they are involved in that whole animal conspiracy thing. There was a comedian back in the states who said that the squirrels were the look outs. Then the monkeys must be the communication directors or spies. I'm telling you, they will stop at nothing short of world domination. It all started when those big fish were flinging themselves out of the water and attacking the fishermen in Louisville, KY. I've seen those dogs looking at me, I know they're planning and watching. That's why I'll never have a pet. I won't be part of their conspiracy to take over. If I had a pet, it would be just my luck that my place would become the world headquarters or something. While I slept or went to work, all the animals would come over and make a mess of the place planning their next offensive. NO, I'm not Paranoid!
On a lighter note, I've been deciding how I will be packing everything for my flight home. I know that international flights are a bummer because everything is taken apart and analyzed for potential terrorist items. Why can't we all just get along. I wouldn't hurt even a fly. Hmmmm, speaking of which, I bet they're part of the whole conspiracy thing. They have been infiltrating our drinking and food supply for years. We could be consuming mind altering substances. Why else would a clear thinking adult go out and buy a cat, fish, ferret or any number of miscellaneous wild life? I better make a not of that.
I can't wait to get my feet back on NY soil. I wonder if my boss would black list me if I never came back. Bummer, well I can dream can't I? Watch out U.S., Barnabus is coming back!

Here I come

2006-07-25T08:23:00.000-04:00

I've been getting a list together for my NY return. I'll arrive at LGA August Sunday, August 6th around 3pm NY time. I won't be leaving until Saturday, August 19th!!! What with all the souveniers for everyone I hardly have room for clothes. That's ok, I love you all and you deserve it. Mom is beside hereself. It will be weird staying back home for the first time since I was 20. I miss my childhood but still love the perks of being an adult. ;) If there are any requests for me to bring something let me know now because I have just about finished my list which will cover every square inch of my luggage. My friends here want to come. People in Europe may not like Americans but they love to visit the place. Hmmmm I better double check my bags before I leave for stow aways. My job here is ok but nothing as glamorous as I had hoped for. I told my boss officially that I will be putting in for a transfer as soon as an opening comes along that I want in the states. I have my spies looking for me. Hey, don't get me wrong, England is a jolly old place but it isn't the Big Apple. Sorry 'ol chaps! I will of course come back to visit. I made some friends here and the place is full of history. The problem is that there are no openings suitable for me yet in the states. I'm willing to wait. Like I said before, I'm going back to New York to stay or die trying. Then they will rest my weary bones in good old NY soil. ;) luv ya!

fun fun fun

2006-07-17T15:02:00.000-04:00

Guess what? ...I visited Stonehenge!!! A group was headed there last weekend and I tagged along. It was awesome beyond compare. I loved it. Another sight to check off my list of places to see. I need to save my money, so no more trips until vacation. I was glad I went and hope to go more places in the future. As long as I'm stuck here I might as well make the best of it.
I'm ready for vacation and can't wait. I'll be gone August 4th through August 20th! It will be so sweet to have two weeks back in NY. I might not come back here... I hate to have to go back to work after two weeks of fun and frolic. In the meantime I'm still checking out the sites and enjoying the new venues. I like to walk through the park, like I did in NY. Different park but same types of people. The weather isn't as lovely here as it is in the states but I'm getting used to it.
I have an early morning flight for my trip to NY. I'll need to sleep on the plane but probably won't until we're over the ocean. I love to look out the window. It's the little things that excite me. My "friend" whom Quentin met is going to Spain in September. He thinks my trip is more exotic and farther away. I guess from a Londoner's viewpoint it is. And to think I lived in an exotic far away place and thought of it as home and mundane. It's good to see things from the eyes of another. It helps you put things in perspective.

Ode to the fouth

2006-07-07T14:34:00.000-04:00

I pay homage to the fourth
the day in July we celebrate
In America in the north
Where we sealed our fate

We built a new nation
by taking it from the Brits
'cause they refused the donation
and gave us too many fits!

The fourth is better than the fifth
Unless its in a bottle
freedom is not a myth
its driving at full throttle

Oh the country of my birth
lives inside me always
the one spot on Earth
that had decorated hallways

The halls of justice
the halls of the free
There's no Augustus
There's only a guarantee

It's promise of equality
where diversity rules
we run in frivolity
and like to play the fools

(north)America the U.S.A.
from sea to shining sea
The flag we display
a country, a potpourri

Hale to thee
our nation of the free
Hale to my country
Hale to you and me!

I miss the fourth!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-05T00:04:00.000-04:00

Oh how I miss the fourth! I am on the "other" side where Independence day is a bitter loss, not a victory. This has to be the worst fourth of July ever for me. No fireworks, just another day. They have fireworks on Guy Fawkes day I think. They celebrate a guy who tried to blow up the government but was caught. It's not like the whole place fought for their independence. At least they have an excuse to shoot off dangerous fire works. Tell me about your fourth of July all my bloggin friends...pleeeeeeeeese.:)
At least I can be there vicariously. I'll be home for the fourth of July, if only in my dreams....la la la la
I love hearing from all of you!!! Now back to work with no fun or hot dogs or anything. :(

Wow

2006-06-26T09:33:00.000-04:00

Quentin and I painted the town red, purple and various shades thereof! We squeezed in as many sights as possible. It was soooo good to see an old friend. I didn't realize how homesick I really was. He got to see my London friends and we hit the pubs and the museums, etc. I will try to post some pics. I've been so busy I wasn't able to write. He rode the "underground" subway for you New Yorkers. I took him to all the famous sights and let him cross Abbey Road. I am still reeling from all the fun. It was sad to say goodbye and hope more friends and family can visit me. I am waiting breathlessly for when I am able to go back to NY! Quentin tells me a party is in the works. There better be, by G!!!! :) Oh the beauty of friendship. My London friend laughed at our accents. They're used to me, but two of us seemed humorous to them. They should see how we feel when we hear them speak. It's like being surrounded by Eliza Doolittle or Wooster and Jeeves. OK, maybe not that bad, but hey....
Quentin had so much fun that he said he is definitely coming back again, yeah! Well, back to work (ugh), boys and girls, till next time, love ya!

Victoria & Albert you say?

2006-06-14T11:40:00.000-04:00

Went to the Victoria & Albert museum and had a lovely time. (see the picture)I went with my little family and the kids always make it more fun. They had an exhibit on modernism and one covering the 60's which was quite fun. Then there was the art and sculptures which I love, being an artist myself. Fun, fun, fun!!! I've been enjoying my free time with my friends and going to the local pubs and such. I want to see a good play which I am deciding on. So much to do, so little time. Next week my good buddy Quentin comes so you may not hear much from me. We will be painting the town red, chartruse and a mutitude of shades! Oh how I miss my NY friends. sniff sniff. I can't wait until August when I get to go back to NY!!!! WOOOHOOO! I've said it before and I'll say it again....I'll get back to the big apple or die trying :) Miss you....hey guys, leave some comments for crying out loud!!!! I need to hear sweet nothings. :)

more touristy places

2006-06-02T14:38:00.000-04:00

I'm going to the museum with my "family". They are the ones who took me to the other sights around London. I was looking on the museum's website. They have a lot of great things to see, I can't wait. We're going Saturday morning. Saturday night I'm going to a chic nighclub with my latin friend D. ;) It should be a fun filled day for sure. I'm making all kinds of plans for my visitors this summer. I can't wait. Come one, come all, B is here to entertain!
Anyway, I'm going out to eat at one of my favorite restaurants tonight with D . I've been told that it was a favorite "take-out" spot for Princess Di. They do have autographed pics on the wall. I'll have to check into that.
I'm counting the days until I can visit NY!!!!! Now that will be a trip to remember. Two whole beautiful weeks. I forgot to mention that, since I am traveling so far to see my family, my boss is letting me off for two glorious weeks! Tell everyone that Barnabus will be baaaaack!!! At least for a while anyway. My mom 's voice was cracking when I told her. It's nice to be loved. Keep in touch y'all. I haven't heard from some of my blogger friends, in like, forever.

life in the uk

2006-05-23T15:00:00.000-04:00

Life will never be the same for me as long as I live here. Not that it's bad, it's just, well...different. I am enjoying all the sights as much as I can because I hope to move back to NY someday. In the meantime I'm making the best of it. Life seems to be a bit slower here. In NY everyone was late for something. Here, no one really cares. They show up when they show up and give it their all and go home. There is some news...I met someone. There's a person who lives near my flat who walks in the same park as I do. Over time we've struck up a few conversations. Yesterday we went out for the first time...I mean really going "out". It was nice. I had forgotten what it was like to go out for drinks and food with someone. We had a really nice time. Nothing serious, but it's nice to have a friend here. "D" isn't from here either. D is from Spain and speaks perfect english with an enticing latin accent. D works in television for channel 4 , I think. It's weird calling the channels by their numbers rather than call letters. It's actually easier. D is on the production crew for a BBC television series. I'll write more when I get time. I need to get back to work. I miss you all....blogger friends and NY friends and family!!!! Keep in touch!!!

Could I make it better?

2006-05-12T10:23:00.000-04:00

Could I make our life any better?
Could I bring us all together?
If I said I was sorry
Could I make us brand new?

Would it be in my mind?
would it be real?
an Apology could make us feel
at least within me

Could it bring us closer?
could it make us happy?
take off your face
what is it you really feel?

Underneath is where you hide
come out and play with me
I need you now
I need you here

Tomorrow I will wake up
it will all be a dream
it will all be unreal
I will turn and see you

You'll have been here all along
by my side
holding my hand
and I will smile

Hot Dog!

2006-05-05T09:20:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's already May! My job has been keeping me pretty busy lately. Come to find out that the reason for the transfer was because they were grooming me for a specific promotion. I'm flattered and all that, but I can't see myself living here forever. I've come to realize there's too much NY in me. Also, it bothers me that our Prez has made Americans the "bad guy" in the eyes of many Europeans. I speak and am automatically pigeon-holed into some sort of lower classification and it irks me big time. Oh, I yearn for the shores of good 'ol Coney Island. I long to hear from my American blogger, close and distant friends! At least I have my American vacation in August to look forward to. I just found out that Quentin is going to visit me in June, YEAH! Anyone who can pull it off is more than welcome to visit me. I have a nice sofa to sleep on. Of course I'll be gone for a week in August. I am getting ready to purchase my plane ticket, then it will be real to me. I can smell the hot dogs now! I still prefer a Nathan's dog to anything else I've had...and that includes Gray Papaya! So, there I've said it, I'm coming back to NY for the hot dogs, the rest of you are second choice. :) Aaah, you know I jest, don't you? Where's all my blogger friends? I haven't heard from anyone in quite a while and I miss you all!!!! Ta ta till next time.

AnyOne OuT TheRe?

2006-04-20T14:06:00.000-04:00

I've been busy painting, sight seeing and reading. I am making plans to come back home for a visit in August!!!!Hooray!!! I will get a week and I will take it in good old New York, New York, a city so nice they named it twice. I checked out airline tickets and will purchase them as soon as I save a bit more money. I have learned to be a Canadian for the lower minded rifts who wander the streets of London. Yes, I'm proud to be American, but why tackle with the bottom feeders of society? Let them fight someone else. The sooner America gets a new president the better. I talked to my boss about possibly returning to the USA someday. I hinted at the fact that the sooner the better was fine by me. He just said, sure someday and smiled. The dreaded manager avoiding the issue is the thorn in my side. I won't stop approaching the subject until he finally gives me a straight answer. I shall do it slyly and ever so hintingly. He won't know what hit him. I've written another dreadful poem.

Do not look me in the eye
for I will not return your gaze
I am much too shy
I must be going through a phase

A passage of life
a reminder of what is
the release of all strife
it is the proverbial quiz

I will pass the test
another move up
like all the rest
I'll receive the silver cup

Do not accept my offers
for I am much too private
to fill your coffers
and do my bit

stare into my soul
and you will see
not part but the whole
my inner banshee

The new minority

2006-04-14T08:58:00.000-04:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4881474.stm

Check out the article. I get along great with my coworkers; however, I've discovered that there is an overwhelming anti-American sentiment among the general population here in London. I find it all very depressing. They tell us to say we're Canadian to avoid trouble. It's very sad that Bush has turned our great country into a joke. I think he has created the image we have and the sooner we get him out the better. Now he wants to go after Iran. When will it end? Caesar eventually gave up the idea of ruling the world and so did the rest of those dictators and monarchs throughout history. Sandra Day O'Connor says that our country is slowly evolving into a dictatorship. Why doesn't anyone listen to her? I have to learn the British accent or else I am accosted by small minded individuals over my nationality. I have never felt this way in New York. My background was pretty much the norm there. I know one thing for sure; I intend to see how long it will be before I can transfer back to the states. The country is beautiful and all but I'm an American for crying out loud! I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of that. I am careful speaking out loud in public ever since I was told that America sucks by a middle class Brit with a hatred of our country. I will not apologize for who I am. OK, bloggers, especially ones from the UK, send me some much needed support!! I feel so violated.
I am going to start a nether masterpiece entitled "pride". God knows I have plenty to be proud of which others seem to like to make fun of. I am a minority in many ways. I actually thought people would be prejudiced against other things about me, not my country of origin. Go figure.

gone but not forgotten

2006-04-10T09:18:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been a bit lethargic of late. Work has been, well, work. Nothing new to note there. I haven't socialized much. I still haven't been motivated to ask anyone out and my family whom goes to the local tourist traps won't be going anywhere for another two weeks. I will spend the holidays by my lonesome. I will call my family and drink a toast to whoever. I am painting like crazy and that is my release. I don't know what I would do without my art. This is my advice for anyone out there going through stress, find an outlet! For me it's painting and poetry. For some it may be excersize or writing. Whatever it is, dive into it when you are stressing it. It is a healthy way to releave the pressure. OK 'nuff said. Here's my lates composition.

Stress

Oh to live a live without the bumps
A life with straight and smooth paths
To live without the lumps
to exist without the wraths

How could we recognize joy
without the strife
How to know the peace
without the proverbial knife

To appreciate bliss
one must know stress
to compare this
troubles no more no less

For with every valley
there lies a mountain
bravery we ralley
to sip the life fountain

So appreciate living
with all its ups and downs
it is what we are giving
that makes it worth the frowns.

relaxing

2006-04-03T07:53:00.000-04:00

I spend the weekend watching brit-coms on the telly and just being lazy. I finished up another masterpiece then finished some laundry. Ah, the life of a carefree bachelor. I need to find something to do at night here! I may take the dive and ask someone out, I don't know yet. I have been keeping busy, hence the lack of posts. There's a pub not too far from here that looks interesting.Maybe I'll go in on my own and check it out. Miss all my blogger friends!!!!

A raven, my kindgdom for a raven!!

2006-03-27T09:58:00.000-05:00

Here it is, my review of the Tower Of London. First, let me say, my coworker has some very cool children. He has a girl who is 7 and a boy who is 9. I was like the third kid rather than an adult. We had enough adults to take care of everything. J's wife was very pleasant and kept cracking up at my jokes. I didn't think they were that funny but apparantly she did.
The whole experience was a lot of fun. I got to see a chopping block and axe which they use to chop off heads years ago. EEEEuuuuw I also got to see the ravens at the tower, very cool. J and K said that they will remember me the next time they go on an outing like this. I told them I had a great time. They didn't even try to suggest setting me up with anyone which put them at the top of my list. Hopefully they never will. Anyway, back to the Tower, I took loads of pictures and talked to the Ravenmaster about caring for the imprisoned birds. He said they were very content birds, and, it did appear that they were. They allowed the Ravenmaster to hold them and say sweet nothings to them. A very strange relationship indeed, but who am I to judge? We had good weather and toured the whole place. I'm not sure what will be next on my list but I will let you know when I figure it out. I will have to wait a bit for my next touristy thing in order to recoup my finances. Yes, I'm a sucker for souveneirs. Hey, I need to have something to remember my worldly travels.
Back on the work front, things are going well. People seem to like me (probably because they don't really know me :) ) The job is pleasant, which is great for a job. There have been talks of a promotion, who knows. I can't believe I've been here only two months! It seems like ages. I'm already planning a trip home this summer but don't know if I'll be able to afford it that soon. I may have to hold off on future sight seeing tours in order to save up. I really miss everyone. I have yet to make any good friends, but I think J & K are my closest so far. I'll post more pictures as I get time.

Happy St. Paddy's Day

2006-03-17T13:49:00.000-05:00

I forgot to report on the St. Patrick's day parade here in London. It was held last Sunday and was fun to watch. Though nothing as weird as NY's Halloween parade it was very good. I read that Chicago died their river green today. Now that's taking it to the extreme. Some of those in the parade here would make diva2stay jealous. It was grand and over done, just the way I like it. It made me smile, which is my criteria for a good show. So, I had a pretty good weekend, even if I was all by my lonesome. One guy at work found out about my weekend activities and invited me with him and a group of friends to hang out Saturday. I told him about my Tower of London plans and he said "Uh. Ok" like I was weird or something. Actually he said I was welcome anytime after he said the first line. I am visiting the "tower" with Jarod the man who had two kids and his wife. I'll let you know how it goes and if it was awkward or not. I can always tell if (the wife) wants me there or not. I am good at reading body language. I mean that in a good way too.

The Globe

2006-03-14T08:48:00.000-05:00

I finally found time to write. I went to the Globe and had a great time. I also found someone at work who likes to go to these kind of things. A guy who has two kids, ages 5 and 7. He hits all the tourist historical places in order to educate the kiddies. He invited me along next weekend to see the Tower Of London! I have always wanted to see the ravens at the top. I never thought about kids wanting to see all that stuff. I just assumed that all the adults have seen it all and were burnt out from it all. Seeing the places with kids is even better because we will be sharing the awe that comes with seeing something for the first time. I like kids, which is something most people find perplexing. I guess I think on their level I know, my fellow male cohorts will think its all very geeky but I don't care. If you follow everything you see on TV, then all you would do is have a long string of one night stands and bar hopping. I won't go into the baggage that goes along with that type of lifestyle. No, I am all for experiencing the deeper layers that life has to offer.
Back to my Globe Theatre visit......It was fantastic. Really avant garde and educational. I love Shakespeare....at least what he represents. Sometimes its hard to understand some of his writings. They recreated the whole Globe experience as it once was. I plan on checking out their plays. The plays last almost 3 hours and you have to stand! Also, it is open and can rain in on the performace, but they still go on with the show! All that adds to the ambience. Just call me weird (oh wait, you already do). What would be cooler than seeing a Shakespeare play at the Globe! I've decided I don't care what people think. After exploring the Globe on my own, I joined a very informative tour led by a flaming (I use the term loosely) staff member (which made it even more fun). The tour takes you all over the premises while the leader points out and explains any significant architectural aspects, the Bankside (area where the theatre is) lifestyle, costumes + props from plays. I didn't get to go near the stage too closely because there was a rehearsal going on, which was cool in itself.
One good thing about being somewhere where no one knows who you are is that you can be who you want to be. I'm through with seeking partners and the whole bar/pub scene. Oh sure, I'll hit the pubs occasionally, just not all the time. I may even take a course or two at the university. I love literature and history. I could go for my masters. All this site seeing is really inspiring me to start another piece. I just finished my Blue masterpiece. The next one will be more classical. I think I have found a way to chase away my blues, site seeing. My list is long and times short!

All work and no play

2006-03-07T08:49:00.000-05:00

Next weekend I will finally get to check out the first tourist trap on my list. I am going to the Globe Theatre. I am going to non chalantly mention it around at work, who knows, maybe someone will actually go with me. If not, I will go on my own. I sure do miss being able to invite you guys to join me on my jaunts. Sigh, I said SIGH!!! Ok, I feel better now. Oh yeah, there's this girl at work, very pretty and nice, who seems to have a crush on me. Those of you who know me, don't say anything. By the way, the neighbor girl has stopped flirting with me, I guess she gets the picture since I haven't responded to her. What is it with me. In New York I couldn't get arrested. I think its the fact that I'm a foreigner here. Why do the Brits like Americans? Well, not all but quite a few. I;m not complaining mind you. I bet the girl at work would go to the touris traps with me but I don't want to send the wrong message. There is someone I've been eying who is gorgeous, but I won't go into that here. However, I can dream can't I? I must get back to the grindstone. See ya in the funny papers!

Bummer!

2006-03-02T09:19:00.000-05:00

I had to go out and buy a region-free DVD player. I went to watch one of my favorite DVDs in order to get that "good feeling" again and realized (realised in UK) that it's a PAL DVD and wouldn't play in my American DVD player. I had to change a lot of things here since moving and forgot about all the region coding that applies to DVDs and VHS movies. I will order any DVD I want from the internet because if I buy them here they won't be compatible in the US. It's always something. I'm going to curl up with a good book tonight. I love fantasy /gothic type books and just bought a new one. On a bright note, I will be able to attend the UK sci fi Fantasy shows here this summer. I bet they're as good or better than the ones in the US. Although I will be living here for a while, I intend on hitting all the touristy historical sights as soon as I can. I don't intend to live here forever and this is my chance to do all these things. Also, I'm not far from France and other European haunts that I've always wanted to see. I'm looking at my new job as an extended vacation. Sure, I'm working but I can at least do things I've dreamed of doing. See, I'm beginning to look on the bright side! Hey, where are all of my blogger friends? Some of you remain missing and I want to hear from you! I'm still blue but at least I know what to do about it. Love ya!!!

Who loves me?

2006-03-01T10:19:00.000-05:00

OK, I've been asked to post my picture. Here it is, I'm getting on the bus, really I am. I just discovered all the great tourist stops and will hit them all while I live here. The Globe Theatre of the famed Shakespeare plays. Dicken's home, Jane Austen tour, the ravens in the tower of London, etc. I will post my experiences as they happen. Hopefully they will scare away my blues. I don't have any London friends, just coworkers. Sure they like me, but they had lives before me. I weep into my cup of tea. I miss all my blogger buddies and NY friends. Come on you guys, write me and let me know you care. I have been a bit blue lately. I've been blue missing my old home. I am commencing a new masterpiece. I shall entitle it Across the ocean blue. Here is it's poetic companion.

I traversed across the ocean blue
Unknown images await me
I seek to find life anew
to set my soul free

I found joy and a fresh sight
Missing pieces and sadness
combine in a new light
I feel gladness

Deep inside my soul there resides my loves
I accept it with fear and unknown wonder
My new role is like beautiful doves
Then the drop of a tear and the roar of thunder

I realize something fresh
I stand aware
the same bones and flesh
I am me no matter where

I fall into the deep canyons
My soul resides with all the others
my companions
I preside with you my sisters and brothers

scandel in my backyard

2006-02-27T14:47:00.000-05:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4753792.stm

George Michael was arrested in Hyde park early in the morning. I have been getting up early and walking around the park. I could have been there when it happened. Though I saw nothing , it sure would have been interesting. It seems he had passed out in his car. You would think with all the money and a home with a partner, it would have been enough for him. I hate to admit it, but I love his music. I wish he could be at peace with himself So much for celebrities here. I'm used to them in NY. I'm at peace with myself! There I said it. Whew, I feel better now. I better get back to work. I am the resident American expert. Little do they know:)

Creativity

2006-02-21T14:13:00.001-05:00

This is the kind of people I work with! Cornholio, indeed!! There goes my stereotype of the British chap eating crumpets and sipping tea. And they say New Yorkers are crazy. Another shattered ideal...is nothing sacred?
Someone showed me this link:
link : Star Wars/Macbeth parody.
It was created by school kids. I like to see kids use their talents for things like this instead of trouble. It is the talented kids who are labeled Geeks. I hate labels. I went to a "creative" alternative school in NYC and loved it. The gang leaders called us nerds and other names I will not repeat here. It only motivated us that much more. I mean, those who caused us trouble are now in jail or worse. I feel that I am a success, even if it isn't financially. I am content. I would like to be a parent someday, adoption would always be an option I think. I've spoken of this before but the feeling is becoming stronger now that I approach the big 3-0! Also, lately I have had more time to contemplate without all the friendly distraction usually going on in my life. There is something to be said for solitary living. For those who scorn me go to this link.
'Nuff said, I think.
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." - C. G. Jung (1875-1961)

Vacation any one?

2006-02-17T14:04:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, my workplace already had me sign up for my vacation time. I just got here! I was actually worried that I would lose some of my vacation time. So, I signed up for the first week in June. I also signed up for the first week in August, near my mom's birthday. I would luuuuuv to be able to fly back home then . I guess I will have to start saving my pennies. On the bright side, I wouldn't have to pay for hotel fees since I'll have a place to stay. Right now, I'm broke. I'm starting to mingle a bit here and even found a cool hang out of sorts, more on that later. The picture is of two co-workers on the left and their friends. They invited me along on a jaunt through the park. I asked them if I could take their picture to show my friends. Yes, they think I'm weird and I don't care. They are fun blokes who seem to like having an American, specifically NY, friend.

Room With a View

2006-02-10T12:15:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture of my view out of my work place's window. I used a zoom lense for the top pic. My batteries went dead in the camera and I forgot to reset the date so it was wrong. These pictures were taken on different days.

Where are all my blog friends?

2006-02-10T08:20:00.000-05:00

I miss all you guys. I feel so out of touch here. I went to the pub with som e co-workers. It's difficult getting used to being in the background. I'm usually the life of the party. So, I told some of my famous jokes. Some got laughs and some fell on deaf ears. My neighbor said hi to me yesterday. By some coincidence, she just happens to be out when I am. hmmm She asked me if I wanted her to show me around town. I don't want to send her the wrong signal. What to do, what to do? She's nice enough...make some fella a good wife someday....just not me. I've bought into the whole relationship thing and had my heart ripped out and stomped on. I'm just trying to fit in around here, I don't need complications. Of course, if that perfect person just happened to fall into my path...well..... I'm posting a picture of my apt.....I mean flat. It needs a lot of work. I sure wish Diva2stay was here, he sure knows how to decorate. Sigh......

I say 'ol chap!

2006-02-06T08:59:00.000-05:00

Here I am! Do you miss me? I feel like a tourist in this place. I 've hooked up my apt. to internet . Apt. are so different here. Well, everything is different here. It's not bad, just different. It will take some getting used to. So far I like me co-workers. They see me as a bit of an enigma. You know, the American who everyone wants to get to know. One odd thing, many Brits, actually dream of visiting the U. S. Some would actually want to live there. I don't know if I ever dreamed of living here.....but here I am. I miss NY sooooo much. My mom...I mean mum, left and I went into a deep funk. I miss everything. So, I depend on you...my blogger friends....to send me notes of encouragement. Like I said before, I will end up back in America before I die, or at least die trying. ;) Ah, the life, I will have to make friends here in order to have someone take my picture. Actually, some coworkers asked me to go to the pub with them this weekend. I may go, I'm not sure. My neighbor introduced herself yesterday. I think she was flirting with me...Diva2stay, I know you'll get a laugh out of that. She looks kinda like Angelina Jolie, you know, most guys dream girls. Why she would flirt with me, I can't figure out. She asked me if I was a model, Can you believe girls have stale pick up lines too. I told her I did, just once, then they realized what they did and never called again. I wonder where "the other" types of pubs are? I'll have to do some research. Maybe I could ask my neighbor and see how she reacts. She's nice enough and I don't want to lead her on. We all know how charming I can be.;) I must get back to fixing this place up. I need a cool bachelor pad for all my new cool friends. ---now that is a laugh! No one could hold a candle to my NY friends. ! I think , once I make some friends I may let them in on this blog. What do you think? see ya-B!

checking in

2006-01-18T08:39:00.000-05:00

I'm writing a quick note to say that my computer will be off at home starting Jan. 23. However, I can check in from time to time with my laptop and at work. I officially leave Jan. 30th. I will read all my comments, though, if anyone has any news, well wishes or just wants to rant. It makes me feel like a piece of home is going with me. It will sure help my homesickness. Mom will not be with me on the 30th but will meet me on the 31st. Yeah! She has arranged to stay a week to help me get settled. Maybe they will think she's my older sister or that I just like older women. Now THAT would be a laugh (for those of you who know me). Mom still looks good for her age, but hey, she's my mom! It will all seem like a vacation at first. Actually I will feel like an ALIEN! (which I guess I'll be) That is until they start slapping work on me. So long for now.

Busy busy busy

2006-01-11T15:07:00.000-05:00

I am sooooo busy packing up everything. I'm deciding what to take and what to let mom store for me. I am excited and melancholy all at the same time. Since it may be a while since I can really sit down and blog, I ask my blogger friends to send me good wishes. I will check in from time to time to see who sends me comments but won't be able to actually write much myself. Remember, guys, I really appreciate all the comments I can get at a time like this. Hey, who doesn't want a British pal? Right? Well, here I am! I won't let the move change me, really I won't. I will have to take a picture of Abbey Road like every other tourist does. I know one thing for sure. I will be spending my later years in New York. I must die in New York or die trying to get there. :) Life is to be lived and I intend to do just that. Remember me to good 'ol Broadway! Ta ta for now. -B

Happy New Day

2006-01-04T15:08:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year boys and girls! For that matter Happy every day! The count down is on for my final days in the Big Apple. I fear and look forward to it all at the same time. Come and visit me either in person or virtually via this blog! When it comes time to move on January 30th, I will not be able to be online for a while. Please give me your good wishes as I am a very lonely boy.

No subways= no fun

2005-12-27T14:06:00.000-05:00

The transit strike really has put a damper on things this year. I guess that was their point. They sure showed us, didn't they?
Hey, I got some really warm fuzzy penguin slippers!!! A gift from a good, (and a bit off) friend. Ah, the comfort of wearing my new slippers and sipping chocolate liquers in crazy, light up, plastic holiday glasses. They put on a fun, colorful light display in the base. I can't remember where I got them but I love 'em. It's the little things that make you smile. See you on the flip side!

To the movies

2005-12-20T14:14:00.000-05:00

Who wants to go to the movies with me? So much to choose from....ah the delight. I think maybe King Kong. I saw the movie Narnia. I know, I'm not a kid. It doesn't matter I still liked it. I'm a sucker for fantasy movies.
Mom says I need to go with her to grandma's house on the 26th. I'll go if I have to but that lady sure is annoying. She keeps wanting to save me. I am saved, thank you very much. Just because I'm not normal...so what is normal, I ask? She found out that I went to a friend's Christmas party and thinks I'm abandoning the family's religious beliefs. Hey, I have my own beliefs. She hated my dad because he was a Christian, God forbid! My dad tolerated her, though. She'll have to accept this half breed half everything. I am me, and damn it, I'm proud to be me!!! I'm sure I'll be the subject for the holiday prayers. sheeeeeesh. The things I do for family.

Come on people

2005-12-15T09:17:00.000-05:00

I leave helpful, insightful and sometimes demented advice all over the blogging community and when I ask for advice.... Where are all of you blog friends when I need you! Should I accept help for moving like I stated in my previous entry or not? I really am in a dilemma. Part of me says yes, yes ! The other part says, what are you a wimp? Go ahead and laugh, I don't care. I send out, yet another plea for advice. It beats therapy where they charge so much you are careful what you say. This isn't life shattering or anything so I'm not wasting the therapists time. Oh yeah, speaking of that, I told her that my last visit will be January 23. You know what she said? She said good luck and she feels that I'm ready for this move. Man, why didn't she just add "don't let the door hit you on the way out"? I feel so unloved right now. You know me, I'll bounce back....just like a boomerang.
Next week is the office "Holiday" party. No one can say Christmas or Hanukkah or anything remotely connected with organized religion. For crying out loud...just say it. Why bother celebrating ? I mean, who celebrates nothing? Well back to work. I'll be checking for comments....I know who you are....I can find you!

Official

2005-12-14T09:31:00.000-05:00

I've been given an official date now for when I am to report to work across the great pond. I am to be there (with bells on) January 30th! Getting an actual date makes it more real and more scary. I don't know what I was thinking. I will just close my eyes and jump (metaphorically). I wish I had someone holding my hand. Mom offered to help me move. She said that she could fly over with me and help me settle in. That sounds great, but I don't know how it would look to my fellow coworkers and neighbors. You know, having my "mum" kind of holding my hand through it all. There goes my reputation. Wait, I'll have no reputation there. Well, I will after that. Hey, what do I care what people think? I'm confused.....any fellow bloggers out there who can offer me any advice? Please.............pretty please! I'm going to sit down and have a nice spot of tea. Life is so confusing sometimes.

Fun fun fun

2005-12-09T14:01:00.000-05:00

I just love the holidays, really I do. Don't go by my furrowed forehead and grumpy demeanor. It's just a ruse. Down, deep, really really deep, I love all the crowds, food, fun and frolic at this time of year. I mean it from the bottom of my shriveled up heart. Now, just don't ask me to go caroling or anything because that would be pushing it. So, go ahead and shower me with gifts, food and parties, go ahead, I said! I won't stop you because way way way down deep I love the holidays. My grandmother (on my father's side), bless her heart, lit a Menorah in my honor, just to save me from my fall from grace. I think it might be working. I feel graceful already!

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2005-12-05T15:00:00.000-05:00

Craziness, everywhere you go! Why do people like to come to the Big Apple at Christmas time? Surely other big cities have huge lit up Christmas trees. But theirs aren't featured on TV all the time. I can't go anywhere without running into some out of town holiday frenzied individual. I'm not complaining, mind you, we need the business, it's just crazy. I'm going to hibernate until January. Want to hear something funny? A coworker actually asked me if I wanted to spend New Year's eve at Time's Square with a group of fellow cubicle bugs like myself. What native New Yorker, other than pick pockets, retailers or food vendor's go to Time's Square on New Year's eve? Apparently one's I work with. I'm gonna miss the Big Apple ...but not THAT! I've heard stories that will make your skin crawl..from the New Year's Eve Times Square bash. No, I won't miss that. I hear my ex is having a New Year's party and invited some of my friends. I wasn't invited, of course, but I wonder who my friends are going to choose to celebrate with.......me or .....? OK, I won't make anyone choose. I don't care, really I don't. I'll be home sipping on my daiquiri while listening to my favorite music. I'll be wearing my favorite red fuzzy slippers reminiscing over all the years living in such a great place. No, don't mind me. I'll be fine..................

Food, Family ,Fun and friends!

2005-11-28T10:41:00.000-05:00

I think I ate too much on T-day because I had some really crazy dreams all night long. I was sitting at a huge banquet table and all my family and friends were sitting there too. It was a bountiful feast with all the trimmings. The strange thing was that everyone was naked! No one acted like anything was amiss though. Yet, I kept thinking, in the dream, that this is a bit odd. That was it....a bit odd! I dismissed it and joinined in on the feast with great delight. Yes, I wasn't wearing anything either. To top it off, the turkey was fully clothed in a tuxedo. What a freaky dream.
My real life T-day was great. Mom fixed dinner and all the relatives, great and obscure, showed up. There were no major problems because my relatives have an understanding. We know things about each other and know not to say anything bad because anyone could blackmail the other at any time. It's a nice arrangement and makes for peaceful holidays. I'm gonna miss those guys when I'm gone. -B

Last Turkey Day

2005-11-21T10:33:00.000-05:00

This is my last Thanksgiving day! In the UK this holidday is not their thing. Since the Pilgrims were escaping religious persecution in Europe it would be a bit of a contradiction of holidays. Ahhh the turkey ads, the big shopping day after T-day, the smells...
Also, I will have to get used to Santa being called Father Christmas, not that I care since most of my relatives are not of the Christian faith. However, I have many friends and coworkers who celebrate in a big way and I will miss all of that. I made my bed and I shall lie in it. Even if it is without Turkeys and cranberries. In the UK their traditional Christmas dinner is Turkey since they don't have Thanksgiving for that. That's fine with me since my relatives don't eat ham. My friends do, though. I am in the middle and will miss all the fuss and tug 'o war of affections. Sigh....

A great day to eat grapes

2005-11-15T21:33:00.000-05:00

I see myself sprawled out on a blue velvet ottoman eating grapes, one by one, listening to jazz. The saxophone's haunting tones waft over me like gentle waves of rippling water. I hear the soft bubbling of the water as it flows across many pebbles along the stream. I drop my hand to the ground to pick up, yet another bunch of grapes. I feel the soft, cool fruits as I lift them to my longing mouth. My eyes open wide as I prepare to soak in the sight of my lovely violet and teal orbs of sweetness. AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhh To my shocking amazement I see, not the lovely grapes, but round, ugly black creatures. They resemble dung beetles on steroids as they gaze back at me with an incredulous look of loathing.
****************The alarm blares into my stunned ears as I see it is time to awaken to another bright day. Such dreamares....my word for dreams and nightmares combined, really take me on a wild brain ride. I welcome this day and long for my next dream...to stay just that...a dream without the interruption of something insanely bizarre. I fear the creatures will return tonight for revenge. I need my stuffed kangaroo named Binky from my youth.

The world is a crazy place

2005-11-10T14:22:00.000-05:00

I read about that tornado in the midwest and now can't find too many follow ups on it. Its like, they get wiped out and have to recover and then nothing. That's the way politics are. Express concern then walk away. Don't look back. That lady that kept camping out on Bushes door step had the right idea. Most of us can't do that. I hope those people get the help they need. I did read that the new FEMA guy went there to give it a looksee. They just took the old FEMA guy off the payroll. What a job. You get fired and still rake in your 148,000 salary for two months. The same goes to those oil executives with the billion dollar profits while the ordinary citizen is gouged. I'm glad to see congress is looking into it. I only hope that they actually follow up on it instead of making a show and backing down. Greed and politics, what a pair. I'm going to have to go to the movies this weekend. I can't take all this bad stuff. I write this as I ready myself for some serious relaxation time in front of the tv. I am going to watch some of my old favorite movies. You know, the black and white movies that attempt to tug at your soul. aaaah, I shal l drink my latte and wallow in all that is good. Instead of prayers for the down trodden, what about an effigy of the ones who are doing the trodding. I will stick pins into my Busch effigy. hmmmmmm

Lucky to be me

2005-11-07T10:12:00.000-05:00

OMG, I was watching CNN and a tornado devastated yet another part of this great country. I think global warming is a real threat. I mean so many disasters all over the place. Don't tornadoes usually hit in the spring? Those poor people were sound asleep when they were hit! The hand of fate plucked the poor unsuspecting souls off like lint off a sweater. It is all so crazy. I don't know anyone in that area but I feel for them. My grandmother lives in Florida and I have always worried about those @#$% hurricanes. She's been very lucky. And they say, NY is a dangerous place to be. At least we haven't had mud slides, forest fires, bad hurricanes (thank God), tornadoes, etc. Sure, we did have terrorism. Its like you have to live in a cave to escape all of this....then it can cave in. I say, live until you're floating to the light! Then, really have some fun. Back to work for me. B!

Give my regards to Broadway

2005-11-04T09:47:00.000-05:00

Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year's, etc are just around the corner. Then, after that, I will have to pack my sorry bags and prepare to move. I need a hug. What was I thinking when I agreed to do this? Why didn't someone slap me and tell me to snap out of it? It's too late now, my reputation at work would be ruined if I backed out at the eleventh hour. Who wants to go with me? I could smuggle you in my suitcase? hmmmm, I know, mail yourself to me. hmmmmmm again. I'm at a loss. OK, you Britons, take me! Please be gentle, it's my first time.....in your country.:) There's no looking back now. I'm singing:
Give my regards to Broadway, Remember me to Herald Square. Tell all the gang at Forty-second Street That I will soon be there. (If only in my dreams) Whisper of how I'm yearning To mingle with the old-time throng; Give my regards to old Broadway And say that I'll be there, e'er long.

Say hello to dear old Coney Isle,
If there you chance to be.
When you're at the Waldorf, have a smile
And charge it up to me. (I don't think so)
Mention my name ev'ry place you go, (only if you want to get thrown out)
As 'round the town you roam;
Wish you'd call on my gal,
Now remember, old pal,
When you get back home.

More fun than a barrel of monkeys

2005-11-02T10:54:00.000-05:00

I think I will be leaving my mark in good 'ol New York. The parade was fun and all the haunted places we went to leave me meloncholy. I shall miss all of the NY craziness. Its something you just can't get anyplace else. Some may try to imitate but no one can replace NY. Sure, craziness abounds all over, its just a different kind of craziness. You just had to be there. I posted photos on my website. Here's one of you-know-who with I-don't-know.
Stay crazy. -B

Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeen!!!

2005-10-31T10:29:00.000-05:00

This is my .....sniff, sniff, last New York Halloween for who knows how long. If I wasn't moving I might stay home tonight. Since I am moving...I must join in all that is Halloween in the Big Apple! If I could bottle NY Halloween I would, so I could take it with me across the p0nd. But alas.....
The Village Parade, the night life and all. I'm calling all Halloween lovers to join me on a night of fun and spookiness. I shall bring my camera and fun self and see what happens. Nothing good, I'm sure. :)

Experiment with reality

2005-10-25T13:59:00.000-04:00

I'm doing an experiment to see if the lack of sleep results in creativity or the lack there of. You see, I am currently sleep deprived due to the fact that I went to bed very late and woke up very early. I got hooked on a great movie and couldn't tear myself away from the TV. Then I woke up very early with a bad headache. I took something for it but it didn't really take effect for an hour. Then, it was time to go to work. I do not feel particularly creative today, hence the lack of sleep equals no creativity seems to be winning out. Then again, I had to draw a creative look for a new client and my sleep depravity caused me to come up with something utterly wild and fresh, At least that's what I was told. So, the jury's still out on the whole sleep/creativity thing. I think I'm going to take a nap. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

A fun time was had by all

2005-10-24T11:20:00.000-04:00

The dinner was fun with no problems. After a couple of drinks quentin admitted to having a near death experience. He said that he was afraid to say anything before for fear of being labeled crazy. I told him that was unfounded since we already think he's crazy. ;) just kidding quentin, I think. It appears that since I wasn't family the doctor didn't tell me what was REALLY going on. It seems that quentin almost didn't make it in time. I'm glad I didn't know because I would have freaked out. I've never gone out with anyone who almost died on me. Its a a good thing we had enough sense to get him to the hospital though.
What do I know since I'm crazy myself. Anyway, I found his whole experience fascinating. I've read books on the subject. He said that he can pick up images when he's around people now, kind of like knowing what's going on with them. Spooky I asked him what he could pick up on me and he said he saw me with another partner wearing red high heels. The partner, not me. Strange , I generally don't like those who wear red high heels, sorry diva2stay. I think he was putting me on because he was laughing when he said it. I'm always the punch line to everyone's jokes. Regardless, his watch kept stopping. He said it worked before. Now this is where my expertise comes in. I read in one near death book that those who go through it sometimes have trouble with their watches due to the electromagnetic field strengthening around them. That is so cool...I wonder if they attract metal objects? I didn't see any forks sticking to him. This is great, I have a psychic buddy. Back to my hum drum existence. I guess the whole "almost dying" thing wasn't too cool, though. The things we go through to exist on this planet.

Tonight 's the night

2005-10-21T15:19:00.000-04:00

This is it, boys and girls, the night we've been waiting for. The big night out with quentin 'ol boy. This time we're going to try it with more people minus one organ. It will be a night of fun. We are going to the Slaughtered Lamb in the village. You know the place. Everyone invited at 7 pm come rain or shine. So far I have three confirmations: darkcrystal, quentin of course, and diva2stay. Anyone else? well, you'll know where we'll be. I have already read my organs the riot act. They are to be good...the same goes to the rest of you. See ya! B

Coming out party

2005-10-17T14:26:00.000-04:00

Ok, get your minds out of the gutter. I promised quentin 'ol boy a night out once he feels up to it. I owe him a dinner since the last one we had was interupted by his appendix deciding to exit. So, we shall have a nice meal, minus one appendix. I would like to invite anyone and everyone to join us. I will let you know the whens and wheres as soon as I do.
At work I am doing a project for women's lingerie. I think I need dark crystal or maybe diva2stay to advise me. Should I draw purple, black or white teddies on the models? Hmmmm, I lack experience in this matter. You would think they would have assigned the project to one of the women artists....what do you think they are trying to tell me. hmmmmmm again. Well, believe it or not, I have no experience in women's underwear! Now that can be taken several ways. I better just shut up and work.
Let me know who might want to join quentin and me on our night out. The more the merrier! I promise, no more body organs will be allowed to leave during dinner. They will have to wait till after drinks. I shall order my organs to sit down and shut up.

My soul is ablaze

2005-10-14T10:04:00.000-04:00

I sit upon the dewey meadow
pondering life and all its avenues
introspect and meloncholy dominate my mind
My existance is meaningful and empty all at once

Who am I?
This entity full of wonder
Who am I?
This being stuck in the continuum.

My soul exists without space or time
My thoughts swirl in and out
I am ablaze with mentations
the cogitations of an abomination

The fire blazes eternal
No beginning, no ending
Only now, only today
present lives forthwith

Dazed

2005-10-11T08:08:00.000-04:00

I'm glad quentin is home now. Those hospitals are crazy. If you're not dead or almost dead, they send you home. I know it's due to insurance companies who are evil but they barely had his stitches in before they threw him out onto the street. At least it seems that way. It's gotten so bad they almost send you home with a do-it-yourself surgery kit with instructions. The poor guy had to ask for pain killers, they weren't going to offer them. They actually expected him to feel no pain after being cut open , an organ removed and then sewed back up. Go figure. I think I will double check my insurance plan to see what kind of coverage I have. Especially when I move. They have socialized healthcare in the UK. I don't know how it all works but I think you have to wait until something actually explodes before seeing a doctor. I hope that's a joke. See ya on the flip side. B!

No sleep

2005-10-07T08:16:00.000-04:00

I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. I went out with a friend for dinner. I had a nice steak sandwich and a cup of tea (trying to get used to drinking more tea). It was a very pleasant time. When it was time to go, disaster struck. quentin, my friend started to double over in pain. I don't know what he ate but I thought, I'm glad I didn't have it. -Long story short, he had to have emergency appendicitis surgery. The poor guy, he was in such pain. I thought he had been poisoned or something. Then, to make matters worse, the subway was closed down due to terror threats! So, we had to take a cab to the restaurant where the driver, fluent in extortion, robbed us of our hard earned money, then this happens! It was like the planets were out of alignment or something. I stayed at the hospital until his relatives showed up. I made sure he was going to be ok. It was so late, and I had to take another cab from the "skyhigh" cab company. I should be happy they didn't ask for blood or something. I'm depressed and I know it's due to the lack of sleep and feeling sympathy for my friend. I'm going to have to take a coffee IV today. I'll just sit it by my chair and hook a tube up to me. I'm going to visit quentin tonight after work. Poor guy, I really feel for him. He was so miserable. I bet he's just glad to be rid of his demon appendix. It was like that alien movie where the alien sticks it's head out of the person's stomach. I fully expected something to "pop out" and skitter across the floor. I bet he wished it did, anything to rid himself of the pain. So, I'm counting my blessings and hoping the UK hospitals are efficient enough to save me from a possible emergency. I won't have any family to sit with me. Man, now I'm even more depressed. I must concentrate on my work, though, I'm sure everything I do will have a dark side to it today.

Future little Barnabus

2005-10-03T08:21:00.000-04:00

I had a working weekend. I cleaned, I painted and I helped my mom clean out her closets. Doing so, I discovered some old artwork I did in elementary school. I can't believe I actually became an artist. I didn't use balance, color or texture on anything. Picasso may have started this way. I was young and my art showed abandon and chaos. That's a kid's life in a nutshell. I didn't expect my art to look like it was from a prodigy, just kind of good. My mom says it's good. But she's looking through a mother's eyes. Sometimes I wish I could have a kid someday but it's just soooo hard. I'm doing good to raise myself. So, my next painting will be "the kids I never had." I might even replicate one of my childhood art pieces in the painting. I will have one of my imaginary kid's painting it. I might actually enjoy this. It will probably end up being called my life. We will see. I may have to destroy my childhood drawings for fear someone may use them for blackmail. What does it matter. I left them up to my mom's discretion to keep or toss. She even kept all of the birthday cards I made for her. She either doesn't throw ANYTHING away or she really likes me. The thought of me having kids is kinda scary. I'll leave with that thought.

My Body

2005-09-30T09:20:00.000-04:00

My Body lies over the ocean
My Body lies over the sea
My Body lies over the ocean
Oh, bring back my body to me
(OKAY EVERYBODY NOW!)
Bring back, bring back, oh, bring back my Body to me e e
bring back, bring back, oh, bring back my Body to me!

Someone just told me it's supposed to be Bonnie! What a spoil sport, and I was having such a good time with my sing along too. To me it's BODY. So there!

Listless

2005-09-28T14:17:00.000-04:00

I feel so draggy today. All my energy has been sapped. I think after work, I shall go home and crash. I hate it when I get days like this and have nothing to blame it on. I finished my comic strip, by the way. I think its good. I'm afraid to post it for fear of criticism so I shall unveil it later on. Not much to say today other than: help! I need somebody, help, not just anybody, heeeelp. Didn't the Beatles say that?

Friday

2005-09-26T14:15:00.000-04:00

Friday I had lunch with a real live famous cartoonist from a certain parody magazine which shall not be promoted here. It was so great! I am mad as hell as I peel my onions. If you can guess the rag from the previous hint, then you get the prize. A coworker, "D" is related to this cartoonist and invited me along for lunch. I asked "D" why he worked at our firm when he's related to such a famous guy. He said it's because the cartoonist relative knows him too well. I guess "D" has some skeletons in the closet. The cartoonist actually listened to my aspirations and didn't laugh. I am going to ask "D" to bring him along to my going away party. My elite gathering could always use a bit of culture. (no offense you guys) Anyway, maybe he'll draw some caricatures of us which we can sell for major bucks. It was a fun luncheon and look forward to the next one, assuming there will be a next one and they weren't just pulling my leg. "D" is a real great guy and I'm sure he'll invite me again. I think I would like to try my hand at cartooning. It's the kind of thing I was born to do. That's why I'm haing so much trouble making it as an artist, it isn't my natural forte'. Maybe I'll do a cartoon strip parody of famous artists. I'm going to start on that right now. Bye

Shows and things

2005-09-22T09:32:00.000-04:00

I really feel good about my latest masterpiece. It is coming along nicely. I really need to get my stash of paintings in a show. The problem is that those with money and pull won't even talk to me. There is a coworker who does photography for my firm. On the side, he does artsy work. We just completed a project and he used me in the ads. So, if you see me on a billboard or something don't laugh. He said I had "the look" he wanted. Anyway, I asked him if he could take photos of my paintings so I can send them to agents to ignore. I had an idea. I asked him if he could take artsy photos of me with my paintings. I figured it might be a new angle and who knows, someone might find the photos refreshing. They might find them blase too, who knows. I know that nothing will happen if I don't at least try. Wish me luck. ta ta -B

I see the sun

2005-09-20T09:42:00.000-04:00

The sun shines upon the whole
'oer my head down to my toes
the warmth engulfs my soul
Fearless, I have no foes

Hark, what sound doth I hear?
It is a call from what I know not.
Should I stand in fear?
Has the battle been fought?

It is the screeching of a dog
or is it a man?
I cannot see through the fog
from it's source I ran

through the mist
right into another
from which I am kissed
Oh, it is my mother

Anonymity and dark closets

2005-09-15T09:26:00.000-04:00

I've noticed that most responders to my entries refuse to actually sign in. Most, because their blogs are elsewhere and some because they prefer to be discreet, I suppose. I know, there are better sites, but I started here and hate to change. Darkcrystal's blog is the best, I think because it allows videos, photo albums and places to sell stuff. This brings me to my point, I need to sell some of A's stuff. It was left behind for whatever reason and only reminds me of abandonment. That's not good. So, anyone want to buy a light in the shape of a mardi gras mask? It's rather colorful. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I need to unload it before I move. I don't want to ebay it. Too much work. I have a beautiful gold chain and a gold arm cuff (like what slaves wore in old movies). I may actually sell some of my stuff too. Hey, I know, I'll host a going away party and offer the stuff up for sale then.What do you think? It will be cash and carry. I took a digital pic. of A's "Dali" clock. I'll give it away as a door prize! Now you'll have to come! I'll have the stuff I want to keep boxed up so no one tries to take it. Anyone need a cup with naked people on it? I can't believe I loved someone who owned that?! Onward.....

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

2005-09-15T08:05:00.000-04:00

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.......... O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,................. With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls; For stony limits cannot hold love out, And what love can do, that dares love attempt. -Shakespeare

Ye' hear that, ye' all? I shall look at life anew and cast aside my grievence with the "man". I shall BECOME the "man" and I shall look down upon ye' serfs with utter pity. Ye' shall do my bidding as I perch upon my ottoman and devour the bitter grapes of life.
That's right, ye' heard me, I AM THE MAN.

Work and no play

2005-09-14T10:53:00.000-04:00

Work, work, work, that's all I do. I am overloaded with it. I think my boss is trying to squeeze every last bit of productivity out of me before I move on. By the time I transfer, I will be just a shriveled up artist with little ingenuity and creativity left in me. Therefore I must commence on a new masterpiece! I will call it the void. I envision it in my mind. Grays and blacks on the outer edges with light colors fading into the center of white. AAAhhhh it feels good to be a true artist. I hope that I can eventually make a living at it. Do you think those blokes in the UK will buy my kind of art. To those who have seen it, whadya think? It doesn't matter, they will or they won't, it won't stop me from creating. I know a lot of it is perception. I need a great agent or something. Back to work, work, work. -B

Lazy, I think not! I savor my moments.

2005-09-13T14:06:00.000-04:00

This is in response to a certain blogger who responded to me concerning lazy Americans having less holidays. I take issue with this assumption! I'm not a lazy American! I work really really hard at managing my leisure time. It isn't easy figuring out how to juggle tv, ice cream eating and walks in the park all in one evening. Not to mention my job, art work, dog juggling....I live an examined life vs on that is on auto-pilot. I stop and smell the roses and they smell me back. So there!-B

There's No Place Like Home

2005-09-12T13:47:00.000-04:00

I decided to hit a play this weekend. I love the theatre but usually lack the funds to truly enjoy the arts. I can hit the free stuff, though. I saw the play Wicked. Ben Vereen played the wizard, need I say more? Everyone I know has already seen this play so I asked A. to go with me. I know, I shouldn't have. I should leave the ties cut. I insisted and still do that it was just as friends. Well, we went and had a great time. We parted our ways and that was that. I discovered that new love has already entered A's life. It didn't take long did it? I feel that I have made progress though because it didn't bother me like I thought it would. I offered my congratulations and I truly felt it. I think it was a relief really. It helped me over the final hump and I can truly move on now. We will remain friends on a different level. We are ready to take life anew. I will make a fresh start in London. I can die a happy man because I feel at peace now. I am the happiest I have been in a long time. Sure, a few years back I would have been crying into my ice cream after the type of weekend I had, but no more. There comes a time in everyone's life that they have to find that inner peace that has been hiding so long. I look forward to my new opportunities and life in general. See, darkcrystal, I told you it wasn't a mistake. ;)

Sweet Slumber

2005-09-08T10:58:00.000-04:00

I walk among the living in a profound state of sleep
I see, yet I don't see
I walk, yet I don't walk

I must open my eyes
I must arouse from my slumber
In order to live among the living
I must be awake to the world

I carefully peer through the slits
And see , truly see
I don't like this view
This world in all it's agony

I return to my dreams where butterflies flitter
from flower to flower
Where I am happy and
loving one another is the rule of the day

A city so nice they named it twice

2005-09-07T08:01:00.000-04:00

New York, New York.... I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps...... If I can make it there I'll make it anywhere It's up to you, New York, New York. So, there it is, in a nutshell. What amazes me about NY is that they stick together. Sure we have all kinds, good and bad, but when the Towers went down, we were a family, like any small town you would want to see. Crime was at a record low! We didn't have looting and lawlessness. We helped each other. I worked passing out water to the firemen. I had friends who helped post names of missing people. When we faced the ultimate disaster, we held our heads high. I had friends who lost their apartment, job and relatives all in one fateful day. Sunday is the anniversary of a tragedy that went down in the history books. Remember the riots in LA? Now the flooding in New Orleans. Panic set in and people broke. They had to be protected against themselves, let alone nature. I'm not blaming anyone, I am just noting some differences. Sure, with what happened in NY there was a common enemy, someone to aim your aggression at. It isn't easy getting angry at nature. There isn't a group to blame....no tangible enemy. No one to attack in retaliation. I guess that's the distinguishable difference. My hat's off to you NY! London faced the same thing, only on a much larger scale during WWII. They united as well. If only Katrina was a world leader.....then people would have something to attack. We must stick together...remember, divided we'll fall.

The world anew

2005-09-06T14:39:00.000-04:00

I see the world anew
I have removed my rose colored glasses
and focus on the helpless few
We must get off our asses

To help those who suffer
I must do extend the pole
It's only going to get tougher
I must awaken my soul

To offer myself to those who need
I will donate and send food
I will plant the first seed
I will change my attitude

This is my pledge
as I write these words
sitting on a ledge
watching the free birds!

My new days off

2005-09-05T11:03:00.000-04:00

Someone, you know who you are, mentioned the holidays in the UK. They have bank holidays like the US does. They have Christmas, New Years and Easter like we do. They celebrate Guy Fawkes day, which is similar to our Fourth of July celebrations. They take May day off, a holiday the US Christians used to celebrate but have seem to forgotten of late. So, they have their days, just a bit different. I will adapt. My company has offices in France and Germany.....what if they ask me to go there? I will say, no, no, no! I am in enough culture shock as it is. Maybe Scotland, I could go there. I am taking it one day at a time. kisses!!!

Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy.

2005-09-01T08:18:00.000-04:00

I worry too much. I think, "what if". It's never good to do that. The best thing to do is to take life as it comes. Let go of the regrets, guilt, anxiety and the "what ifs". I am going to set my demons free. I made a picture of my own demon. He sometimes keeps my head in his bag. Today, I take a deep breath and welcome the world anew.

In good old Londontown

2005-08-31T11:40:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my fellow UK bloggers I have been elightend to the UK autumn. I think I may actually be able to handle it. They do have autumns! Well, I knew they had them, I just didn't know how colorful they were...er, that's colourful, isn't it? I am going to have to start learning the UK spellings or my coworkers will dub me as daft. We can't have that can we? Here are some UK autumnal pics. What do you think? Hey, I don't know how people move to Florida where there are no seasons. Well, the older generation does it to avoid slipping on the ice, but I mean others. I need my seasons!!!! I shall go to the bookstore after work and see what's new. Now....um...back to work.:)

Word Verification

2005-08-30T09:56:00.000-04:00

Sorry folks, but I had to turn on "word verification". This means those who post comments will have to type a word in to prove they are real and not spammers. I was actually getting blog spam, go figure. However, to the rest of you live folk, don't forget me, just because you have to type in a word. It is really easy and it proves that you love me :). OK, sure it's a nuisance, but so is spam. Thanks loads, boys and girls!!!

Doh!

2005-08-30T09:21:00.000-04:00

The demon just knocked me in the head as it looks at me with it's arms folded. It is tapping it's toes with an irritated look. I feel that I have been ignoring it. Yes, that's it. I have been so wrapped up in all of my self pity that I forgot all about my soul. I will take my little demon out for a walk in the park. It will do us good to breath some fresh air. I look forward to the fall colors. At it's peak I will take a train upstate to see some real beauty. Fall is my favorite season. I wonder what kind of falls they have in London? Anyone in the UK who can fill me in? I am going to take each day as it comes. I have been informed that my new job will start in January now. Whew!!!! What a relief, I get to spend the holidays at home with my family and friends. It was going to be a real downer to have to leave right before the holidays. Now I can truly enjoy the autumn colors without undue anxiety. I told the demon to go home. He did. -B

Reflective

2005-08-28T15:32:00.000-04:00

I have been reminiscing about my life, ny loves, my future.... I have been fortunate to have been dealt a great hand. Now I must play it. I miss A, but I know I will be just fine. I feel like the new job was meant to be. It was a test for me and for my relationship. If it hadn't been for the move, we would have went on the way we were. I never would have known that the relationship wasn't as deep or lasting as it seemed. The move kind of brought out the truth. I feel free, in a way. I am free to be anyone and do anything I choose. Wish me luck boys and girls.

My hand is out.

2005-08-25T17:51:00.000-04:00

Take a hold and pull me from the depths! OK guys, I need some help here. Knock knock, anyone out threre? (not solicitors, either) If I continue like this I think I may die from ice cream and Latte over dose! I can't help myself. I am sitting here in front of the stereo looking at my empty spaces where someone's stuff used to be. I need a hug as I drown my sorrows to an indecent level of jazz and sugar!!! I will be ok, though, because this type of therapy recharges me. Then I am able to go see a real professional. I don't know what I will do once I move. I'm sure there are those in London who are quite good at helping and all that. I will find out I guess. Gotta go, my ice cream is calling me, oh so sweetly. -B

Let me know when it's over

2005-08-24T09:27:00.000-04:00

I'm getting cold feet. I know the job thing is a great opportunity but I hate change. There I said it. I will have to close my eyes and just jump. Otherwise I'll still be clinging to a lamppost while being pulled towards the airport. I wish I would have a traveling companion to hold my hand through all of this. I know it will be good for me. Especially under the new turn of events that those in my inner circle know about: I will definitely be moving alone. It is difficult just writing it down. I have been sooo blue over it all. I don't know exactly where it all went wrong, but wrong it did. My loneliness will have taken on a whole new meaning in a new city. But, hey, I'm resourceful. I can do this thing. I don't need someone to sit beside me and tell me everything will be alright. I have been through a lot in my life and this will be a piece of cake in comparison. I actually thought my relationship would last forever. I also thought I would live in NY forever. So, what, life throws you lemons, make lemonade! Who said that? I guess you have to like that utterly sour/sweet drink to understand it's meaning. I will say, life throws you trash, take it out! So that's what I'm doing. I'm takin' out the trash! I am in a reflective mood. I think I will commence on my latest masterpiece entitled "living among the leaves". Hey, maybe those Londoners will actually give me an art show. I'm lost in the haystack here. But there....I will be unique! Eat your heart out A! Don't worry about me...I'm a survivor! I always bounce back! -B

The freakin leaves

2005-08-22T14:12:00.000-04:00

I sit amongst the autumn colors
as they waft to and fro
gently caressing my skin
they fall into piles around my feet

The hues range from orange to gold
there are shades of red and sienna
blanketing my shoes in color
I feel at peace with the world in some way

That is until, I realize that I must rise from my sanctuary
and gather up my rake and bags
and do away with these freakin leaves
I'll miss them, I will, as I toil to exhaustion